He is still the blueprint in everything I find attractive in a boy. It is everything I seek when I seek. The beauty is near perfect. I've made myself sick, but I cannot help it. Yes, I am sick, but I am not crazy. Just an admirer. Seeking something similar.

I've been thinking about this, and I figured my whole three fans deserve an explanation.

I haven't written fanfic in more than a year. Almost two years. Something happened. It all started well and good, pervy stupidity, etc. But what happened is the characters, in my head, started developing their own lives. Coming to me were backstories, histories, other storylines... long, elaborate ideas that went way beyond silly fangirl fiction.

About the same time, I became disenchanted with the whole fanfic scene. I no longer wanted to be associated with people writing badly, writing the same stories over and over, things like turning big burly wrestlers into fairy bitches, and m-preg. Seriously people, m-preg? Men do not have children. MEN. DO. NOT. HAVE. BABIES. Badly written smut. Things of the like.

Oh and the lack of variety. If I read one more fic about Triple H and Shawn Michaels, I'll puke. Same with Hardy incest fic. It was hot five years ago. And I got sick of reading these badly written and uninspired and unoriginal stories. I got sick of reading the replies, about how awesome it was, and how much they loved it; fangirls of fangirls really. Meanwhile, well-written stories, with real, tangible characters, about everyday feelings, in original fiction, got largely ignored.

Now I'm not saying how I'm better than people or whatever. I was just ready to bring my writing to the next level. My former 'fanfic' characters became original characters with their own stories, personalities, and dramas. And if I'm going to spend all this energy on writing, I want it to actually mean something. Maybe a legitimate, published book someday. I've seen it happen before, with two of the people that wrote actual, readable fiction, and I know it can happen.

Months ago I was seriously contemplating dropping the whole fanfic thing, leaving communities, and distancing myself from the scene. I was going to keep my entries as a record. But something else happened. A particular person who I shall not name stumbled across my works, and he was not very happy about it, as you would imagine. I was asked to make it disappear, and I complied. Looking back, maybe I should have closed up shop when I first thought about it. But it's all good, shit happens for a reason.

That is my story, and I'm sticking to it.

~Samantha Black

All has been cleansed.

I have been working on more legitimate and less fangirly works as of late.

Don't expect any more updates.